Jeepers Creepers and the Portable Potty

When I picked the girls up from school on Wednesday, I was excited to learn that both girls had used the potty all day. I told them we could stop at the store and buy the kites they had been lusting after for some time. While we were in Walgreens buying the kites, Sweetie Pie decided that would be a perfect time to poop her pants. I $h!t you not! Seriously?!?! Since she had technically already earned the kite, I still bought it. While we were walking to the cashier, Cupcake announced she also needed to use the bathroom. This particular Walgreens didn't have a public restroom so I told Cupcake she would have to use the potty we keep in the car. Yes, I know, G-L-A-M-O-R-O-U-S. I keep a potty in my car, what of it? Have you ever been to a park when your child has to go potty and there isn't a bathroom in sight? Well, I have and I am going to avoid at all costs, making my kids pop a squat out in the great, wide open. So we get to the car and I open the back of the van and start changing Sweetie Pie's pants. All of sudden, I feel someone near me and I look and there is an old man carrying a box of graham crackers and Chicago Tribune standing right in my personal space. Awkward! He begins to tell me that he just visited his daughter at the hospital and he has three balloons (2 reds and a blue) in his car for his grandson's graduation and wants to know if we want to see them? Ummmmm, Hell to the No, I don't want to see your balloons. Actually, what I said was, "No, Thank you". (Darn you, Mom, and your etiquette lessons!) Apparently, he took my response as an open invitation to continue the conversation. He then proceeded to tell me that I should be careful where I park and make sure I don't park near any jalopies (I am assuming he was referring to an old car and not to himself). He then proceeded to put his hand in my car, where my keys/purse where sitting and rub my purse. Yes! Rub my purse! I grabbed it and threw it towards the front of the car. He didn't say a word. Poor Michael (Kors) was fondled by a crazy! I made an appointment with a therapist and I am hoping he can just forget about this whole dreadful incident. I finished up with Sweetie Pie in record time and whispered in her ear to hurry up to the front and buckle herself in. Proving once again why I call her my sweetie pie, she immediately obeyed. Then here comes Cupcake to the back of the van carrying the potty seat telling me, "Mommy, I reaaaalllllyy have to go!" I told her to hold it until we get home. She refuses and then proceeds to pull down her pants in front of Mr. Wackadoodle. I told him, "Well, thanks for the advice, have a nice day!" He took the hint and headed towards the store. Of course Cupcake asks me who he was. I told her, "I have no idea but he is creeping me out so please hurry so we can leave before he comes back". She then told me,"Mommy, you are right, I do not like that man, he is naughty". She finishes up and I tell her to jump in her seat and buckle up. As I am closing the hatch, who do you think comes out of the store? I bolt for the driver's side. Cupcake's sliding door was open facing the store and she screams, "Hurry, Mommy, he's coming! He's coming, hurry!" LMAO, I think I have taught the stranger danger lesson! I jump in the car and zoom out of that parking lot. As I drove by him, he realized he missed me and went to entertain the mailman that had just pulled up with his crazy talk. I am sure he was just a lonely old man but seriously, that was weird.

I'm Gonna Miss This

Wow! Has it really been months since I added a post? Yikes, time flies when you are having fun! Lately, I find myself reflecting on my day when I am in bed trying to fall asleep. It seems more and more often I make a promise to myself that I am going to be a more patient Mother tomorrow. There is this song, You're Gonna Miss This by Trace Adkins that I swear is my daily mantra. The girls have been trying my patience for so many reasons: potty training, bickering, sassiness, stubborness, naughtiness. I need to try not to focus on these behaviors and remember why I love being a Mommy. I love that Cupcake calls PB&J sandwiches, Jelly Butter sandwiches. I love that Sweetie Pie says "Otay" instead of "Okay". I love that Sweetie Pie is currently obsessed with getting a Anaconda as a pet and that a M&M can always turn Cupcake's frown upside down. I love that the girls think every airplane is from New York and that I am Super Mom in their eyes when I announce an unplanned trip to the park. I love that if someone asks Cupcake where she got something new, she tells them, Costco. I love that I get a little glimpse at what Brett experiences every day when he gets home when I pick the girls up from PDO and they greet me like they haven't seen me in a week!

Potty Protocol

Here is a small list I have compiled of things that people never tell you about before you have kids and people that don't have kids wouldn't believe/understand:

1) At some point, there will be a potty seat sitting in the same room that you eat your meals

2) You will give your child anything to encourage them to stay seated on said potty, including your cell phone (Martha learned this lesson the hard way, which is why her phone is now sitting in a bowl of rice, ewww)

3) You will on more than one occasion get human feces under your fingernails (flipping gross)

4) Something as insignificant as an M&M to you is actually like winning an academy award to a 3-year-old

5)Pullups are fancy more expensive diapers that don't hold half the amount that diapers do. Furthermore, the stupid pee pee pictures are placed in a spot that no child with reasonable flexibility can see.

6) You and your husband will celebrate a potty victory in much the same way you previously celebrated your graduations and/or favorite team's world series victory (I would know nothing about the latter).

Green Button Racecar

The other night, the girls and I were playing with their "Cars" racecars. We were taking turning sending them up and down the wood floors. We decided to have a race and I asked the girls, how do we decide who gets which cars? Cupcake's response in her very matter-of-fact way, "Mommy gets the blue car because her shirt is blue, Sweetie Pie gets the red car because it matches her Go Cubs Go (blanket) and I get the green one because I have a green button". Of course, why didn't I think of that?

24 Hour Bug

My little Sweetie Pie caught a stomach bug and was down for the count for about 24 hours. I am pretty sure she caught it at the mall play area but I guess she could have got it anywhere. Poor thing, came into our room at 5am and told us, her belly hurt and then proceeded to throw up. This is the second time in her short little life that she has thrown up. The first time was when we all caught something when the girls were 10 months old. Nobody wants to get the stomach bug, the fever, chills, vomiting, headaches. I would have traded places with her in a hearbeat. I know she was experiencing it all but never complained one time. She didn't cry at all. After we showed her how to use the bucket, she never missed again and even carried it around with her. If you are a parent, I know you know what I am talking about. It absolutely kills me to see my child in pain and know there is nothing I can do about it. I can't imagine what it will be like when another child is mean to her, or she doesn't get a job she wanted, or (gulp) has her heart broken. Thankfully, she was back to her sweet self about 24 hours later. That is the other thing I find amazing, how resilient kids are. Once she was better, that was it, she was back in business as if nothing happened.

Sweetie Pie Rides Solo

After a birthday party for some of their friends, the girls and I decided to visit Brett at his office since we were in the neighborhood. The elevators for his office are glass so as you can imagine, the girls love looking out the window while we go up. When we got to his floor, Cupcake jumped right out and started running. I chased after her only to realize that Sweetie Pie had run back in the elevator before it closed. I turned around just in time to see her frightened face as the doors closed. I freaked and called out her name. Just at that moment, another advisor in Brett's office came around the corner and saw me. He told me to jump in the next elevator and he would keep Cupcake with him. By the time I got back down to the ground level, there was a lady waiting there that told me another woman was taking her to each floor looking for me. When I got to Brett's floor again, Sweetie Pie was standing with Brian in shock. He said she was screaming in the elevator but by time I got there, she was stunned and looked as pale as a ghost. After we had settled into Brett's office, I burst into tears. I can't believe this happened. Cupcake gave me a hug and said, "Don't cry, Mommy, it's okay, Sweetie Pie is right here, she is right here". She is such a little Mommy. What a terrifying experience for Sweetie Pie. Later at dinner, she was telling us about it again and told us that the lady that helped her was helpful and her name was Ellen. She seems to have recovered nicely, I am still on shaky ground though. :(

Sweetie Pie's Five Finger Discount

So as some of you know, I love all things cupcake! I am in the process of starting my own little cupcake business (insert promotional plug for Swirl Cupcakes here). I spend a lot of time in Michael's, buying supplies. On this particular trip, I had my little hoarder, Sweetie Pie, with me. While in the cake decorating aisle, she asked me if she could have a bottle of food coloring because she "needs" it. I calmly told her no and continued to browse. Looking back, I should have questioned why she took my negative response so well but as they say, hind sight is 20/20. When I finished up, I told her to come with me and noticed she was carrying two bottles of sprinkles with her. I told her to put them back to which she replied, "Okay". Say what? Now I knew something was up. I took a closer look at her and noticed her hat was unusually bumpy. I touched her hat and somehow, my sweet daughter's head was now in the shape of four bottles of Wilton food coloring. Yes, you read that correctly, my little hoarder was attempting to take the four bottles with her, under her hat. I put the food coloring back and told her that she can't take things unless she has money to pay for them. Her reply, "Mommy will buy them for me". Even if I needed those particular shades of food coloring, there is no way in H-E-Double Hockey Sticks, I was going to purchase them at that time. At home, Sweetie Pie is notorious for carrying things around the house in her hats, mostly it is stuff that belongs to her but on occasion, I have found Brighton jewelry and refrigerator magnets in there. I am hoping this is a stage that she grows out of quickly as I have no idea what I will do in the future if I get a phone call from Mall Security telling me to come get her because she has decided that she "needs" everything in Claire's Boutique.